Sometimes...somethings...and some ppl makes me wonder whether they have a life or not....
they juz cant stop barkin at ur life and they tend to irritate me more and more. I had enuf by all those stupid ppls doin those kinda things.... hey i wanna ask u whether u have a life or not?? u dun?? ask ur parents or ask around for someone to come and guide u along the way to find u a good and better life for ur ownself rather than barkin at ppl....
Knwin u is such a disaster in life... hmph..... really, sometimes i wish to turn back the time and not to knw u. U knw wad?? I have a better life than u do..... u can talk bad abt me no matter how much u wan.....ALWAYS RMB THT PPL WILL STILL LOVE AND LIKE ME FOR WHO I REALLY AM.... i dun need to get ppls sympathy like u do.....
Am i too harsh??? yes??? well if it is....im sorry but tht is all the truth tht i wanna tell u...
i aint gonna apologize for anythin.....
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
confusion strikes.....
Today really makes me think alot after hearin alot of opinions and advices.... wad kinda decision shud i make for my own life..... well i knw i am datin u now...but there r ppl who said i dun look happy bein wit u.. izzit bcuz i need to avoid alot of things? or do i still mind abt how our r'ship goin on? things r not easy to say.... nowadays ive been thinkin too much til it affect the way i treated her and my mood....
Some ppl say tht she still dunno wad she wants in life.... she can find happiness in both is tht why she still let it goes on?? i dun think i can take it any longer cuz nowadays ive been really sensitive abt wad's goin on especially after readin her msg to someone.... i cant forget it until today. Is she bein serious wit me or not? i dun wan it to repeat like last time anymore by tellin me different thing and tellin ppl another thing....wad shud i really do??
I really hope tht ure bein true to me as i am to u...i did not think nor imagine of playin wit ur feelins or wad from the beginnin. Now ure so important to me in my life and i let u understand me more compare to all my exes.... will u really appreciate it? i really wish to knw the truth...
yes i told u tht im not easily to be affected by frenz but this fren of mine really put the real thing in my head and makes me really think abt it....
Hope everythin will come clear in the future... as i dun wanna go on bein like this anymore...
Some ppl say tht she still dunno wad she wants in life.... she can find happiness in both is tht why she still let it goes on?? i dun think i can take it any longer cuz nowadays ive been really sensitive abt wad's goin on especially after readin her msg to someone.... i cant forget it until today. Is she bein serious wit me or not? i dun wan it to repeat like last time anymore by tellin me different thing and tellin ppl another thing....wad shud i really do??
I really hope tht ure bein true to me as i am to u...i did not think nor imagine of playin wit ur feelins or wad from the beginnin. Now ure so important to me in my life and i let u understand me more compare to all my exes.... will u really appreciate it? i really wish to knw the truth...
yes i told u tht im not easily to be affected by frenz but this fren of mine really put the real thing in my head and makes me really think abt it....
Hope everythin will come clear in the future... as i dun wanna go on bein like this anymore...
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
the time is runnin low
I'm sorry but i admit...this time i really fall in love wit u. I dunno wad makes it feels so strong but i knw my heart very well. I knw ppl been tellin u alot of bad things abt me, they even ask u dun trust me. But thank u for trustin me bcuz i am really not those type of person whom they said i am. I hope i prove to u well.
For me to give up is not an easy thing. But i really dun wish to see u bein sad and sufferin anymore. I admit im very sad and i cant give up, but to think properly i prefer sacrifyin myself also i dun wanna see u bein so miserable bcuz u have to choose. I knw u cant do it so i have to make the decision for u. I knw i said to u before no matter wad decision i make for u, u also cannot be angry,sad,cry or regret....bcuz i choose to let go actually. I knw u cried alot and i hurt u as well.
Pls dun ask me not to treat u good cuz i cant do it. I wish i can be the one who can love u,be there for u,care for u,share all ur happiness and sorrows. I really wish i could be the one. We agreed tht we will end things up on this friday but i really couldnt let go. I really cant, i'm so sad and weak rite now cuz i knw tht my heart choose to be wit u. I tried so hard to hold back my feelins for u but i failed. I knw ure attached but i rather take the risk bcuz im fallin in love wit u deeply.
Today is already a thursday, another day for us to be tgt and then everythin have to end up. I have to act strong in front of u cuz i dun wan u to be worried abt me. Bein wit u, shared my times wit u is the happiest moment i ever had after everythin. I never regret....im serious...i treasured it alot. While writtin this blog im listenin to ur favourite song...i cant hold back my tears anymore. Pls give me the strength to move on....i hope u can show me a happy face when we end things up on friday(eventhough i knw u will cry)
With tht i really love u wit all my heart, care for u wit all my soul. Shit, i knw when i wake up later my eyes will be swollen up. I dun wanna break down again in front of everyone. So this time im gonna be stronger. May god blesses u.....
Love,
Joel fitzroy phang
For me to give up is not an easy thing. But i really dun wish to see u bein sad and sufferin anymore. I admit im very sad and i cant give up, but to think properly i prefer sacrifyin myself also i dun wanna see u bein so miserable bcuz u have to choose. I knw u cant do it so i have to make the decision for u. I knw i said to u before no matter wad decision i make for u, u also cannot be angry,sad,cry or regret....bcuz i choose to let go actually. I knw u cried alot and i hurt u as well.
Pls dun ask me not to treat u good cuz i cant do it. I wish i can be the one who can love u,be there for u,care for u,share all ur happiness and sorrows. I really wish i could be the one. We agreed tht we will end things up on this friday but i really couldnt let go. I really cant, i'm so sad and weak rite now cuz i knw tht my heart choose to be wit u. I tried so hard to hold back my feelins for u but i failed. I knw ure attached but i rather take the risk bcuz im fallin in love wit u deeply.
Today is already a thursday, another day for us to be tgt and then everythin have to end up. I have to act strong in front of u cuz i dun wan u to be worried abt me. Bein wit u, shared my times wit u is the happiest moment i ever had after everythin. I never regret....im serious...i treasured it alot. While writtin this blog im listenin to ur favourite song...i cant hold back my tears anymore. Pls give me the strength to move on....i hope u can show me a happy face when we end things up on friday(eventhough i knw u will cry)
With tht i really love u wit all my heart, care for u wit all my soul. Shit, i knw when i wake up later my eyes will be swollen up. I dun wanna break down again in front of everyone. So this time im gonna be stronger. May god blesses u.....
Love,
Joel fitzroy phang
Sunday, December 20, 2009
complicated....
Things are so complicated nowadays, im so stress out, suffocatin, havin headache all the time. Well i have to make a cruel decision towards my gf. I said break up with her rite after our 3rd month anniversary. I do feel sad when i heard her cryin like tht.... but things is very complicated in my mind.
Wad am i doin also im not sure. Im goin thru a test now, god is tryin to test my jealousy. Seriously, even if i can act like im alrite but actually im really fightin thru my jealousy feelin. There's this special girl, i wanna be wit her...i really do but the things and environment is not allowin. Both of us have feelins for each other....and its strong but we cant do anythin to make it work.
Is this a rite thing to do?? is my decision correct?? i really hope things can work out btw us...im crossin my fingers and pray alot alot....
Wad am i doin also im not sure. Im goin thru a test now, god is tryin to test my jealousy. Seriously, even if i can act like im alrite but actually im really fightin thru my jealousy feelin. There's this special girl, i wanna be wit her...i really do but the things and environment is not allowin. Both of us have feelins for each other....and its strong but we cant do anythin to make it work.
Is this a rite thing to do?? is my decision correct?? i really hope things can work out btw us...im crossin my fingers and pray alot alot....
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Relief
Today i was tired, been not havin enuf sleep and i have to take care of my salon...somethin like im incharge when my boss is not ard. I was left wit 2 juniors, customers today like bullyin me only. Like they know im tired but yet they wan me to cut their hair, wan me to blow their hair. I was pretty exhausted but anyway i stayed smsin my gf the whole day.
I feel kinda happy tht we did talk to each other today eventhough we r not interactin over the phone but still we r smsin each other. No matter how exhausted i am also it doesnt matter cuz i still have her bein my battery. Hehehe sorry girl im callin u my battery.
Anyway when finish work tht time i really wanted to go home and juz rest or maybe sleep until the next day but my heart is tellin me NO cuz i wanted to see my gf so much so i stayed awake. I missed her so much, when she got online tht time we chatted wit each other...wit our webcam on. I feel so happy and calm and not exhausted once i saw her face. I feel like my energy is rechargin when i was talkin to her.
We chatted for few hours then my fren called me out for hang out session, i feel kinda guilty for leavin me gf behind and go out wit frenz. We already dun get to see each other often when the time is there for us to spend time together i actually decided to go out wit my frenz cuz its been a long time i nvr see her. Anyway the guilty feelin is still followin me, to make me feel better i still sms her and we chatted again. Eventhough she says its ok, i shud go out and have fun wit my frenz but deep down inside i knw she will miss me alot and there's alot of things she wanna tell me and talk to me.
I feel relief when i gotta knw tht my frenz started likin her already eventhough they haven meet wit each other. This gf of mine really cares for me and also my frenz. She would ask them how r they and will ask me to stay by their side when they needed someone. She is so special and i feel so lucky tht i found her. Thank god for sendin her into my life and brighten up my days again. Its been a while u knw, since i fell into a deep and dark hole where im tryin so hard to try to climb up but i fail. She came into my life and help me to climb up, she is the angel who were sent from god to help me thru all those feelings tht im feelin and she's fillin up the hole in my heart. She let me knw wads the feelin of bein loved again, she gave me the feelin of happiness, bein cared, bein missed and bein important.
How i miss those feelings after the previous one. All my frenz feels happy tht i can actually moved on and found someone so special to me. I dunno whether we were destine together or not but as far as i know both of us is doin our best to keep each other side by side. Its very rare to find someone tht u love who actually understands u and have so many similiarities wit u. When u found someone like tht please be sure to appreciate them. This is wad im doin.....
Baby i hope we can go thru this yeah. Missin u so much
I feel kinda happy tht we did talk to each other today eventhough we r not interactin over the phone but still we r smsin each other. No matter how exhausted i am also it doesnt matter cuz i still have her bein my battery. Hehehe sorry girl im callin u my battery.
Anyway when finish work tht time i really wanted to go home and juz rest or maybe sleep until the next day but my heart is tellin me NO cuz i wanted to see my gf so much so i stayed awake. I missed her so much, when she got online tht time we chatted wit each other...wit our webcam on. I feel so happy and calm and not exhausted once i saw her face. I feel like my energy is rechargin when i was talkin to her.
We chatted for few hours then my fren called me out for hang out session, i feel kinda guilty for leavin me gf behind and go out wit frenz. We already dun get to see each other often when the time is there for us to spend time together i actually decided to go out wit my frenz cuz its been a long time i nvr see her. Anyway the guilty feelin is still followin me, to make me feel better i still sms her and we chatted again. Eventhough she says its ok, i shud go out and have fun wit my frenz but deep down inside i knw she will miss me alot and there's alot of things she wanna tell me and talk to me.
I feel relief when i gotta knw tht my frenz started likin her already eventhough they haven meet wit each other. This gf of mine really cares for me and also my frenz. She would ask them how r they and will ask me to stay by their side when they needed someone. She is so special and i feel so lucky tht i found her. Thank god for sendin her into my life and brighten up my days again. Its been a while u knw, since i fell into a deep and dark hole where im tryin so hard to try to climb up but i fail. She came into my life and help me to climb up, she is the angel who were sent from god to help me thru all those feelings tht im feelin and she's fillin up the hole in my heart. She let me knw wads the feelin of bein loved again, she gave me the feelin of happiness, bein cared, bein missed and bein important.
How i miss those feelings after the previous one. All my frenz feels happy tht i can actually moved on and found someone so special to me. I dunno whether we were destine together or not but as far as i know both of us is doin our best to keep each other side by side. Its very rare to find someone tht u love who actually understands u and have so many similiarities wit u. When u found someone like tht please be sure to appreciate them. This is wad im doin.....
Baby i hope we can go thru this yeah. Missin u so much
Saturday, October 3, 2009
worried
Now is 2.16am, i think she's sleepin soundly already. I cant really sleep cuz im worryin abt wads gonna happen to us. Im happy i found her....really, someone who help me thru all my sad days..i mean listen to me whenever im down. Help me to climb up again. She is really special, she can make me feel very very calm whenever i talk to her. But sometimes she can be a pain in the arse as well...juz by the way she talks to me.
Earlier today, she told me somethin tht i dun feel happy after hearin it...i was so worried til now also i cant get to sleep...some more i juz came back from sendin my fren Jannat to the hospital. She is so sick til she got no strength to talk to me also. Before i went out to get Jannat i was at home onlinin waitin for her to come online. She didnt yet she sent me a msg sayin tht she will online soon....then i waited again but i couldnt already...really need to go help Jannat.
This is the first time she didnt come online after sendin me a text sayin tht she's comin online. I was kinda sad but wad can i do. I dunno why nowadays she keeps on bein sick im really worried abt her. Wanna call her now but i scared ill bother her sleep.... but if i dun hear her voice i feel like somethin is missin in my life. Wad shud i do??
Wad can i do to really keep our r'ship goes on? She told me she only wants me and i felt the same way as well.... our journey isnt easy to travel...i hope ill get all the supports and blessings from all of u......bless us so tht we can be happy together....
Earlier today, she told me somethin tht i dun feel happy after hearin it...i was so worried til now also i cant get to sleep...some more i juz came back from sendin my fren Jannat to the hospital. She is so sick til she got no strength to talk to me also. Before i went out to get Jannat i was at home onlinin waitin for her to come online. She didnt yet she sent me a msg sayin tht she will online soon....then i waited again but i couldnt already...really need to go help Jannat.
This is the first time she didnt come online after sendin me a text sayin tht she's comin online. I was kinda sad but wad can i do. I dunno why nowadays she keeps on bein sick im really worried abt her. Wanna call her now but i scared ill bother her sleep.... but if i dun hear her voice i feel like somethin is missin in my life. Wad shud i do??
Wad can i do to really keep our r'ship goes on? She told me she only wants me and i felt the same way as well.... our journey isnt easy to travel...i hope ill get all the supports and blessings from all of u......bless us so tht we can be happy together....
Sunday, September 27, 2009
27th september 2009
Im writin here again as i dunno who to turn to. Well i was in a r'ship since 17th sep juz only started 10 days ago. I met this girl who i already known for 2 years now, all this while we've been contactin each other and we do tell each other stories of our life. Tht time i didnt have any feelings for her as i only take her as a fren, but there's one day i found out tht i've fallen in love wit her and i didnt confess first as im scared becuz of my past r'ship. So i did talk to her over the phone and found out tht she actually got attracted to me since last year but she couldnt confess cuz i was with other girl.
I was so blinded by love at tht time but things juz went wrong. I was so heartbroken then and i needed support. This girl was there to chill me up when i was down eventhough there were times tht i didnt wanna bother her she will text me all of the sudden and ask how am i? wad went wrong and stuff. Lets cut it short, we fall in love with each other. We were happy, fun, like to disturb each other but deep down inside we really do love each other.
But she is not ready to tell the parents abt us yet and i ask her to take things slowly too as i dun wanna hurt her feelings wit her family. Im scared she will suffer becuz of me, i dun wan her to suffer as it will hurt me to see tht to happen. I dun mind tht shes not ready to confess to her parents but i dunno why deep down inside im havin s sad feelin followin me. Is it bcuz i really love her this time? I knw deep down inside i really want her to be wit me and stay by my side as long as we can go on.
I've been prayin alot for us to get the blessings from her parents and also frenz. Things r find wit me and my parents but i dun wan anythin to happen to her and her parents. Wad shud we do to make all those things to work? Wad steps shud we do to get to be with each other?? Yeah i knw frenz will ask me to becareful and all. I juz wanna follow wad my heart ask me to do. Maybe things will be better or it might be worse. No matter wad it is nvr try nvr knw wad is the result.
In our heart we really wanna be wit each other, we really need ur supports and blessings. Pray for us, for tht day to come. Pray for her parents to accept me and accept us for who we are as we really love each other......
I was so blinded by love at tht time but things juz went wrong. I was so heartbroken then and i needed support. This girl was there to chill me up when i was down eventhough there were times tht i didnt wanna bother her she will text me all of the sudden and ask how am i? wad went wrong and stuff. Lets cut it short, we fall in love with each other. We were happy, fun, like to disturb each other but deep down inside we really do love each other.
But she is not ready to tell the parents abt us yet and i ask her to take things slowly too as i dun wanna hurt her feelings wit her family. Im scared she will suffer becuz of me, i dun wan her to suffer as it will hurt me to see tht to happen. I dun mind tht shes not ready to confess to her parents but i dunno why deep down inside im havin s sad feelin followin me. Is it bcuz i really love her this time? I knw deep down inside i really want her to be wit me and stay by my side as long as we can go on.
I've been prayin alot for us to get the blessings from her parents and also frenz. Things r find wit me and my parents but i dun wan anythin to happen to her and her parents. Wad shud we do to make all those things to work? Wad steps shud we do to get to be with each other?? Yeah i knw frenz will ask me to becareful and all. I juz wanna follow wad my heart ask me to do. Maybe things will be better or it might be worse. No matter wad it is nvr try nvr knw wad is the result.
In our heart we really wanna be wit each other, we really need ur supports and blessings. Pray for us, for tht day to come. Pray for her parents to accept me and accept us for who we are as we really love each other......
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