Surprised.....

Its 2.46am now, well most of ppl shud knw i juz came back from my vacation from Thailand.
I was there for 3 days really tot i can actually relax and forget abt things back here in Malaysia but to my surprised i had a surprised in Thailand when i was in a shoppin complex.

I really tot tht all my feelins are hauntin me cuz this surprised very seldom happen to me. I think not all of u all knw the song 'i remember' by keyshia cole. Well i can tell u tht this is one special song to me. I have tht song in my car and i shared it wit someone who is so special to me on the 6th of june 2008. It was very early in the mornin, if im not mistaken it was almost 6am and i was wit my love one in the car and tat song played and we actually shared the first kissed together. I tot it was sweet but i dunno wad abt the ppl out there.

As i knw, tht song is very seldom played in Malaysia. Even in shoppin complex such as pyramid, mid valley, 1 utama or where ever ok.... i can only hear it once i guess. Well anyway come back to my vacation back in Thailand, to my surprised i heard tht song in their shoppin complex and i almost broke down over there but think back i was alone and i was in the shoppin complex i cant juz break down like tht only. So i kept all my tears to myself, i feel so sufferin at tht time. Well i knw wad role im playin in my life but i juz cant hold it any longer once i reach my hotel room i ran into the toilet pretended to go to bathe but actually i went in to cry.

I tot i can only hear tht song in my car and also shoppin complex around Malaysia only. I really nvr expect tht i can hear tht song in Thailand. Its is so easy for me to say to myself tht i can move on since she already moved on. But deep down inside i really dunno why i still holdin on and i dunno wad im waitin for. I really hope tht miracles happen and save me from all this heartbroken. Im not like this last time but God someone or somethin changed me into bein like this. Well i believe "out of difficulties makes miracle" hopefully it will turn out to be somethin good for me.

Frenz sure damn surprised to read my blog and to find me tht i havent move on actually. Cuz i was all alrite when i was wit them but when i come home, when im alone i tend to think back all the happy moments together. Maybe lots of ppl will think break up is a small matter, but to me breakin up wit someone tht i really really love can actually pull me down. I can be very strong outside but deep down inside no body knws tht im actually cryin inside.

I nvr love someone so much b4, really nvr. I can swear upon my life, i really hope tht my future relationship will be simple and innocent. I cant have my heart be broken again i really cant take all the pains. U knw this is the only way tht i can make myself feel better cuz i cant call up any of my fren in the middle of the nite and talk to them abt my feelins. This is the best solution for me to express myself, to write everythin out. Maybe everythin will be the same each time i write a blog. The word i love u really kill me, and the fact of bein in a relationship now will actually scared me.

To all my beloved frenz, i am so sorry tht ive become so bitter in life now. I hope u guys will understand me. Im sure u guys saw how happy i was last year before october. Im sorry ive changed.

10/08/09

Have you ever have the sweestest memory of u and ur loved one come rushin back to u in a minute?? Well i have it today when im on the way to work, when i listen to keyshia cole's song called i remember. I was almost crazy cuz at one point im happy and the other im actually havin my tears flowin down from my eyes. I was so surprised tht i will actually still have tears comin out from my eyes, i tot it was dried up already. Well wad can i say?? Already mention is the happiest moment of me and my ex.

Never tot tht im still havin tht feelin inside of me. Im tryin my best to climb up from my fall, to let go and to not to think abt my past but i dun think it is workin. Everyone said ive changed, i become very sensitive, emotional and even bitter. How can i ever change to be like last time anymore? I dun think i enjoy to be the new me..... i dun share wit ppl wad ever feelin i have anymore. All i knw is im so stress every single second, minute and hours lately.

Im kinda surprised cuz lately i started talkin wit one of my exes again, i tot tht we can nvr talk to each other in our lifetime anymore. My growin up stage is so sufferin, wad ever i wished for will nvr happen and wad ever relationship tht im in will be damn sweet for the first few months and then the opposite things will happen... im very tired wit all of this things already.

How can i ever get out from this kind of lifestyle. Wonder can i actually let go of the one tht im in love wit now?? Wonder when only i can do it. Wanna stop myself from bein so miserable already.