Today is the last day for the month of july. Time passes so fast.... its already 8 months after wad happened to me. When i think back, i notice i alwayz attract those girls who are straight, in a relationship, juz for fun and even married. The other day i went out with few frenz of mine and i get to knw this girl who'd married and she's attracted to me.
From then on my phone never fail to ring or never fail to receive any smses. I feel so stress, and got no one to turn to so i have to hurt this girls feelin to the maximum make her hate me and even make her cry. I apologize to her and told her tht im not available for any relationship at the moment, even if i am also i wont choose her cuz i knw tht there's no endin in between me and her. Eventhough i do need someone to be by my side to share my happiness and all my sorrows. I miss all the times when i need to text my loved ones once i woke up from sleep, miss all the chit chats and hanging out together.
Well those were the days when i havent change til become like this. I found out tht nowadays i dun really like to go out or even communicate wit ppl. Cuz i felt it was useless, cuz no matter how hard i try to hold on to my loved ones they will alwayz leave me. Wad abt now?? Wad if i love some one now? I dun dare to tell them tht i have feelins for them either cuz i scared ill fall into sentimental moments again. I've fought so hard for me to climb up again after my loved one left me.
Please someone help me to climb up faster and heal me from all the heartbroken.
I really need to move on.......
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
I wish she could have read it
Its 2.25am now and i am still awake thinkin alot while listenin to songs. I dunno wad i can do now but to write a new blog since its been a long time i nvr write one. Maybe everyone will think i will juz write the same old thing wad shud i do and stuff….well i think this time will be much more different. I believe everyone will crave for somethin or someone, will have grief as well.
I’ve been to china to work, went away from my family and frenz here and also the person tht i wanted to see the most but i knw its impossible and now im back in msia. Everythin has changed now. My beloved nephew is safely been brought out to this world. He is so cute, guess this is my first time sayin a kid or a baby cute and for the first time i pamper him alot. I used to be so hot tempered and stubborn but everythin is different now. Sometimes not bein in a relationship is best for me but at the moment i will feel lonely as well, hopin tht the right one will come to me and comfort me. Im cravin for a gfs love, somethin tht is very hard for me to get from a gf.
Lately, ive been watchin this movie tht reminded me lots of things. The movie is like this guy will fall in love wit a girl older than him. Then slowly slowly the girl also will fall in love wit tht girl until one day she chooses to return to the long term bf and get married. Leavin tht guy alone tryin to fight for her again. Just like me, i fall in love wit a girl tht is older than me. I knw she have a bf for 3 or 4 years cant remember anyway we both fall in love wit each other and things are so good together, happy moments, blissful moments, everythin also got but one day she decided to get married to tht bf and leavin me behind tryin to fight for all the feelins tht im feelin.
She didnt even tell me tht shes gettin married until one day i have a dream abt it and i decided to ask her only she told me the truth. I didnt knw tht the girl is engage to the bf long time ago if i knw i wouldnt continue wad im goin thru wit her cuz at the end of the day ill be the most heartbroken one. I loved her so much and i learn how to be a responsible person for her. Guess its not enuf, well i am here still fightin wit those sad feelins inside of me, tryin to heal my broken heart. I alwayz wish tht i can hear her say “joel, im here for u”, “joel, u make me so happy”, “joel, i miss u”, “joel, i love u”, “joel, i wanna come back by ur side” one more time but now i realize tht all i really wanna hear from her now is “joel, im happy now bein in a married life and i feel blissful” thts all matters now.
I asked her the other day whether she hates me or shes avoidin me or not, but all she answers NO. If really no, why we cant talk to each other anymore? why is there such a big gap in btw us? I dun think its becuz she still love me cuz she told me once tht she dun love me anymore which i dunno whether its the truth or not. All i knw is when she told me ‘ i dun love u anymore’ the pain is like i was stabbed by a knife few hundred times and my heart juz fell to the floor and break into pieces. Until today, this hour, this minute and this second i am still hurt by her action towards me yet i am still tryin to be there for her, try to talk to her but my effort is juz a waste cuz she wouldnt wanna talk to me. I cant force her to talk to me cuz i knw it wont work. I juz hope tht there’s a miracle in this whole thing.
Well its gettin late now, have to go sleep cuz i still need to wake up and go to work. Will write more when i feel like writin. Hope tht she will read my blog and understand wad im goin thru. May god blesses me.
I’ve been to china to work, went away from my family and frenz here and also the person tht i wanted to see the most but i knw its impossible and now im back in msia. Everythin has changed now. My beloved nephew is safely been brought out to this world. He is so cute, guess this is my first time sayin a kid or a baby cute and for the first time i pamper him alot. I used to be so hot tempered and stubborn but everythin is different now. Sometimes not bein in a relationship is best for me but at the moment i will feel lonely as well, hopin tht the right one will come to me and comfort me. Im cravin for a gfs love, somethin tht is very hard for me to get from a gf.
Lately, ive been watchin this movie tht reminded me lots of things. The movie is like this guy will fall in love wit a girl older than him. Then slowly slowly the girl also will fall in love wit tht girl until one day she chooses to return to the long term bf and get married. Leavin tht guy alone tryin to fight for her again. Just like me, i fall in love wit a girl tht is older than me. I knw she have a bf for 3 or 4 years cant remember anyway we both fall in love wit each other and things are so good together, happy moments, blissful moments, everythin also got but one day she decided to get married to tht bf and leavin me behind tryin to fight for all the feelins tht im feelin.
She didnt even tell me tht shes gettin married until one day i have a dream abt it and i decided to ask her only she told me the truth. I didnt knw tht the girl is engage to the bf long time ago if i knw i wouldnt continue wad im goin thru wit her cuz at the end of the day ill be the most heartbroken one. I loved her so much and i learn how to be a responsible person for her. Guess its not enuf, well i am here still fightin wit those sad feelins inside of me, tryin to heal my broken heart. I alwayz wish tht i can hear her say “joel, im here for u”, “joel, u make me so happy”, “joel, i miss u”, “joel, i love u”, “joel, i wanna come back by ur side” one more time but now i realize tht all i really wanna hear from her now is “joel, im happy now bein in a married life and i feel blissful” thts all matters now.
I asked her the other day whether she hates me or shes avoidin me or not, but all she answers NO. If really no, why we cant talk to each other anymore? why is there such a big gap in btw us? I dun think its becuz she still love me cuz she told me once tht she dun love me anymore which i dunno whether its the truth or not. All i knw is when she told me ‘ i dun love u anymore’ the pain is like i was stabbed by a knife few hundred times and my heart juz fell to the floor and break into pieces. Until today, this hour, this minute and this second i am still hurt by her action towards me yet i am still tryin to be there for her, try to talk to her but my effort is juz a waste cuz she wouldnt wanna talk to me. I cant force her to talk to me cuz i knw it wont work. I juz hope tht there’s a miracle in this whole thing.
Well its gettin late now, have to go sleep cuz i still need to wake up and go to work. Will write more when i feel like writin. Hope tht she will read my blog and understand wad im goin thru. May god blesses me.
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